january preparations

We leave in six weeks. Is that long enough, you think, for me to learn Spanish? Oh, l've looked over my books and tried to memorize things, but mostly I seem to be working to keep my anxiety at the highest possible level. If I'd just study an hour or two a day, I could feel more confident and less nervous. But no. I just fret about not studying.

I think what I fear most is that sense I've had when visiting countries where I don't speak the language--that sense of knowing lots of conversation and meaning is swirling around but I am outside of it. When I went to the spa in Holland where my mom conveniently forgot to tell me everyone--men and women--would be strolling around naked, I was sitting in a very hot sauna with a group of people who were telling jokes and laughing hysterically. I could only smile at their laughter; I was completely outside the language and the humor. It felt very strange. Later one of the men said something to me as we cooled off in the icy pool and I just smiled stupidly, not understanding a word he said and wishing I had a bathing suit on. I guess I mean isolation, being outside of the everyday communication we can so easily take for granted.

One thing I am looking forward to is sunshine. We've had such a dismal winter in Minnesota this year: lots of clouds and no snow. Ok, that's a slight exaggeration. We've had two inches, total, but one of those inches was really made up of icy pellets that proved impossible to shovel. Our cars, a week later, still have this 'snow' stuck to their roofs and hoods. I'm quite sure in Costa Rica I will have plenty of sunshine.

But now I'm off to listen to my Spanish lesson on cd. Wish me luck.

Buenos Dias.